"But there was nothing about the little, low-rambling, more or less identical homes of Northumberland Estates to interest or to haunt, no chance of loot that would be any more than the ordinary, waking-world kind the cops hauled you in for taking; no small immunities, no possibilities for hidden life or otherworldly presence; no trees, secret routes, shortcuts, culverts, thickets that could be made hollow in the middle – everything in the place was right out in the open, everything could be seen at a glance; and behind it, under it, around the corners of its houses and down the safe, gentle curves of its streets, you came back, you kept coming back, to nothing; nothing but the cheerless earth."
Thomas Pynchon, "The Secret Integration"

This is Ian Mathers' Tumblr. I live in Canada. I've written about music and other things for Stylus, PopMatters, Resident Advisor, the Village Voice, and a few other places. Hi.



unfamiliarname asked
Ian, I will step up to the plate and ask you (some of the lesser discomforting questions) from the template you reblogged. Choose whichever you want to answer: 69, 94, 96, 100

Very nice of you! Let’s see if I can avoid embarrassing myself.

69. Have you ever had sex in a public place?

I’m going to say yes, but not anywhere that was particularly risky or well-trafficked.

94. What’s something you like about your body?

I probably had more to say about this when I was attending bootcamp in Guelph regularly (which had nothing to do with appearance and everything to do with capability), but I like a lot of things about my body, actually. I like how tall I am, I like my eyes, I like the fact that my beard is red, I like my butt (of all things!), I even like that my head doesn’t really grow much hair (I just wish it’d skip ahead to not growing any at all up top). 

96. What body parts do you find the sexiest?

Leaving aside the super obvious answers, I’m a big fan of the whole neck/shoulder area. But really when I like a person, I’m going to find pretty much their whole body pretty… compelling. There are definitely bits of Anaïs (no not those bits get your mind out of the gutter) I think are cute as hell that are body parts I don’t necessarily normally think of as “sexy.”

100. Do you often imagine people naked?

Pretty much never actually, which is surprising when I think about it. I’m guessing this has something to do with a couple of things, one being that I live in a society and time where images of people in little to no clothing are pretty damn accessible to me, if not unavoidable. Part of it is, if I don’t know you well enough to have actually seen you naked already, I feel like it’s weirdly disrespectful to picture you naked (not necessarily judging other people who do this, it would just make me feel weird). And partly it just isn’t where my mind goes; sure, when I was single if I had a crush on someone and was really attracted to them I’d like to see them naked, but why ruin the surprise for yourself, right? Pretty much everyone I’ve seen naked has looked both different and more beautiful than I could have pictured if I’d done so beforehand, anyway.





the idea of the technological singularity is late capitalism’s most brilliant move because it plays off any criticism of capitalism’s use of technology to disenfranchise and oppress by basically saying that technology under late capitalism just hasn’t progressed enough so we need to double down on it to save ourselves

it’s like if someone was stabbing you and you said “stop stabbing me” so they came up with this bullshit idea that said if you just get stabbed enough, all your stab wounds will be miraculously healed so the solution is actually to increase the size of the knife and the rate of stabbing

it’s a thing of beauty really

once youre stabbed enough the knife will just come out of your back and the healing can truly begin. this is the goal of capitalism and its for your own good. quite frankly you should be grateful, stabbing is hard and tiring work

we need to subsidise stab creators NOW. abolish the anti-competitive knife tax and let the free market do its job

Why can’t these perpetual victims stab themselves up by their stab-straps?

These are the most NSFW asks I have ever seen. It's late. IDGAF

1. What tends to feel better for you, sex or masturbation?

2. Your 5 favorite spots to be stimulated.

3. Have you ever had your prostate stimulated?

4. Have you ever had an orgasm from anywhere other than your genitals?

5. Do you prefer clitoral or vaginal stimulation?

6. Can you touch your clitoris directly, or does that hurt?

7. Are you well-acquainted with your G-spot?

8. Are handjobs boring, or underrated?

9. Do you like having your balls touched?

10. Do you like having your nipples touched?

11. Do you like having your anus touched?

12. Have you ever been fisted (anally or vaginally)?

13. Do you like mild roughness (scratching, spanking, hair-pulling, etc.)?

14. Do you have any kinks?

15. Are you into anything under the BDSM umbrella?

16. Do you pee in the shower?

17. Do you ever masturbate in the shower?

18. Have you had sex in the shower?

19. Do you like being naked?

20. Do you sleep partially/fully naked?

21. Have you ever skinny dipped?

22. What's the most unusual thing you've done nude?

23. Have you ever to a nude beach, naked party, or other situation involving casual nudity?

24. Are you comfortable being seen partially/fully naked by family or friends (i.e. getting dressed, etc.)?

25. Are you comfortable with partners seeing you nude in non-sexual contexts?

26. Have you ever showered with someone (non-sexually)?

27. Do you care if a partner sees you going to the bathroom?

28. Do you have naked pictures/videos of yourself? If yes, have you sent them to anyone? Are they online?

29. How many sexual partners have you had?

30. How often do you masturbate?

31. Age you started masturbating? How did you discover/learn about it?

32. What position do you typically masturbate in (laying on back, on stomach, sitting up, etc.)?

33. Describe your masturbation routine, technique, etc.

34. What do you masturbate to (porn, smut, imagination, etc.)?

35. Have you ever masturbated to the point you got sore?

36. Your thoughts the first time you got up close and personal with the opposite set of genitals?

37. Have you ever "compared" (genitals, breasts, whatever) with a friend?

38. What kind of underwear do you normally wear?

39. Do you ever go commando?

40. Have you ever had a wet dream/orgasmed in your sleep?

41. How big is your penis?

42. Does your penis curve at all?

43. Which testicle hangs lower?

44. How big are your breasts?

45. Do you long or short labia? Are they even or uneven?

46. Do you have a particularly large or tiny clitoris?

47. Are you circumcised or no? Are you happy with it?

48. Are you turned on or off by foreskin, or don't care?

49. What are you more into (or like more about yourself), boobs or butts?

50. Do you find genitals physically attractive, or weird/gross, or not feel strongly either way?

51. Do you like the way your genitals look?

52. Would you be able to pick out your genitals from a lineup?

53. Do you like your butt?

54. What do you do with your pubic hair (shave, trim, wax, nothing, etc.)?

55. Do you care/have a preference what partners do with their pubic hair?

56. Do you tuck your penis a certain way (i.e. left or right) when you get dressed?

57. Do you have or want any genital piercings? Do you like any on other people?

58. What is the quickest you've ever brought yourself (or been brought) to orgasm?

59. Do you ever "edge" (repeatedly stop and start) when masturbating?

60. What's the longest masturbation session you've had? Longest sex session?

61. What's the most orgasms you've had in one session (of anything)?

62. Do your orgasms tend to be full-body, or crotch-centric?

63. Spit or swallow?

64. When you ejaculate, do you more shoot or dribble?

65. Is it hot or gross to get ejaculated on?

66. Do you "squirt?"

67. Have you ever attempted (or succeeded) to give yourself oral?

68. Have you ever given/received a footjob, boobjob, etc.?

69. Have you ever had sex in a public place?

70. Have you ever had sex in a bed/on a couch that didn't belong to either of you?

71. Have you ever had sex/masturbated while somebody was sleeping near you?

72. How many rooms of your house/apartment/etc. have you had sex in?

73. Strangest/most unique place you've had sex? How about masturbated?

74. Have you had any sexual experiences that were downright gross?

75. Are you particularly "vocal" when masturbating/having sex?

76. Have you ever been caught masturbating/having sex?

77. Have you had or do you want to have a threesome (or foursome, or more)?

78. Do you own any sex toys?

79. Have you ever used a homemade sex toy, or a regular object as a sex toy?

80. Can a dildo feel as good as a penis (assuming the person with the penis is good at what they do)?

81. What are your favorite positions?

82. Your most embarrassing sexual experience?

83. Worst place/time you've ever gotten a boner?

84. Have you ever had any genital injuries?

85. Have you ever had a sexually transmitted infection?

86. Have you ever had a non-sexually transmitted genital infection (yeast infection, etc)?

87. If you lack a penis, have you ever tried to pee standing up?

88. If you lack a penis, how familiar are you with how you look down there?

89. Do you think you're "good" at sex, or your performance/skill could use improvement?

90. Have you "sexted" (whether through text messaging or IM chat)?

91. Have you masturbated for or with someone via webcam?

92. Have you have phone sex?

93. If you had the opposite set of genitals for a day, name 5 things you would do.

94. What's something you like about your body?

95. What's something you dislike about your body?

96. What body parts do you find the sexiest?

97. What was your most recent sexual thought?

98. Do you ever just play with your boobs, penis, labia, etc.?

99. When was the last time you touched your genitals?

100. Do you often imagine people naked?

A few people on my dash are/were doing these and they're a lot of fun to read! And the thought of answering some of them makes me mildly uncomfortable, so let's give it a shot. I totally understand if nobody wants to hear any of this in relation to me though.


theres a giant burning orb in the sky and it can burn your flesh, it can give you diseases, it can kill you, looking directly at it causes physical pain, and we all think this is okay. we like this orb.  we like to go outside and lie around on our backs when this orb is in the sky. children draw cute pictures of this levitating death orb with a smiley face on it. what is wrong with us